When I started this blog, I was also going through a divorce. ''How am I coping with everything?", I often wondered myself. Friends and family padding me on the shoulders kept telling me how strong I am and still do, watching me raise my little boy...
The truth is, I have never felt as weak as I am today. Meanwhile going back to Côte d'Ivoire is not an option, for now, I must face my fears. Here are four (4) rules that help me in this journey:
Rule # 1: Remember it could have been worse!
I have found a French podcast from Côte d'Ivoire that I listen to almost every afternoon on the TuneIn app. People are calling in to talk about their relationship issues and seek advice. Some of the stories are hilarious. They make me laugh out loud in the car, on my way to pick up my son; others not so. Either way, it makes me realize; I am not alone. People around the world are going through terrible heartache every day. It humbles me, to see how small the challenges I face are, compared to theirs. Plus, I have found a gateway to get my mind off my "little self" for a minute which is so refreshing.
Rule #2: Let the people who genuinely love you, help you
It was hard at first to get my family involved in this mess...But I regret not doing it any sooner. I was trusting the wrong people just to hide my personal issues from my family, afraid to be embarrassed. What was I thinking, spreading my ''business'' out there? The irony is that the people who love you, always know when your relationship is in trouble. And sure enough, my family knew. At the right time, they stepped in, picking up the pieces with me because I cannot do this on my own, not this time. I only have my two amazing sisters and now my son as a family here in Canada. Trust me, I don’t need a whole lot of people, just the right ones. It took me a while to understand the true meaning of family. Now, I will never take them for granted again.
Rule #3: Keep a positive mind
We often know how to take care of our bodies but when it comes to our minds, it is easy to say than to do. Even with a meditation routine in place, it is not easy to be disciplined. I know, I must be patient with myself and keep trying but let's be real: there are days when I do not feel like meditating or ‘’yadi yada’’...But if there is a thing I do not miss in a day, it is listening to Music! It doesn’t require my focus unless I am trying to learn the lyrics of a song for Sunday’s Worship set LOL. From starting up the morning with some Gospel songs to ending the day with an ''Ivorian-pop'' music playlist and many genres in between; music always brings my motivation right back! Just to say, there are a lot of things we enjoy doing that keeps us pumped, it might be the time to find what they are!
Rule #4: Talk about it as much as you need to
Remembering traumatic experiences can bring out a lot of painful emotions. Keeping them inside won’t heal you either. My advice is to ''let it out'' now so you can move forward. It can be speaking to a friend or a professional therapist if you can afford it. A free alternative would be a church counsellor or spiritual guide, depending on your religion. It doesn’t necessarily have to be someone you know. If you want to keep your privacy, you can go to another church or community counsellor. The most important is to find someone who not only is qualified but also trustworthy. I wish, I'd known this before. Thankfully, I am fortunate enough to always find a patient ‘’ear’’ to take the heat!
One, two, three... four rules that are working for me. The proof is, I am still in Canada! I might add a couple more rules as I grow. But it is not about the number. Four rules, one rule or no rules, we can all agree the most important is to take care of ourselves by any means.
If you are facing a relationship crisis, please share in the comment section how you are handling it. You never know, it might bless someone. Sharing is Caring!
Bye for now …