Eyes wide open… The Flags!

It was a Sunday shortly after the third service that I decided to break the silence and address a situation that was pretty embarrassing for me. Right after the last Worship set, I came up to the team and suddenly asked: "How do you introduce yourself to a guy? ". Astonished, they quickly started to share with me some ideas, I could try and I really felt comforted to know that there was nothing wrong with me for wanting to find love again...

Love, love, love… ‘’Heros” love is one of the most popular topics on every platform including Social Media. How to fall in love? How to fall out of love? How to meet the right one? … You name it, there is at least one good advice out there for everyone and I am all for it as long it lines up with my beliefs. 

In a previous post, I have shared some of the lessons that I have learned from past relationships; the things I wish, I knew before saying yes at the Altar.   While I have spent the past two years stabilizing my health, organizing my goals and learning how to be a “healthy & happy “single parent, I can surely say that I feel like myself again. 

 Today, I am in a positive stage in my life and I am open to the idea of dating again. Yes, I said it: DATE! ( LOL) . So this past summer, I went on a couple of dates and it felt like “bungee” jumping!  Truth to be said, it was a way for me to meet new people, be comfortable with myself and upfront with my standards.  Speaking of standards, here are three points, I kept in mind when meeting a person for the first time even when we had a couple conversations prior.  This time around, I get a second chance at LOVE and I am not about to blow it! 

The first point is: Availability 

Is the person in the right place in his life to welcome another person inside their world? 

In this day and age where people are career-driven and success-focused including myself so finding time to focus on someone else can be challenging. I went on dates where, as soon as the person started to share their schedule, I knew it was a NO. Now, this is a flag for me because it says a lot about the personal disposition to really want a serious relationship and not just something “casual”. I strongly believe that availability is created for the things or people that are important to us. Even if we have a busy schedule, we should be able to create time for the other person and no just “fit” her or him in!   

The other thing is emotional availability. Even though I have come far along in my journey of healing from past traumas and feel ready to open up again, having a partner who is understanding of my past and supportive of my reality is very important. 

 Which leads us to the second point: Transparency 

What are your deal-breakers? 

Now, I do not expect to know everything about a person on the first date but I can sense when a person has no issue sharing basic to important information or when they brush off “hard” questions. Of course, it shouldn’t feel like an interrogation since we all want to enjoy the moment and relax but some important informations must be revealed on the first date. 

As a single parent being upfront with that reality is something, I discuss on the first encounter and even on the first conversation. I feel people should be able to share an important aspect of their lives that can be a deal-breaker for the other person and be transparent about these kinds of information as early as they can: difficult job, specific lifestyle, not wanting kids, spirituality… 

The last but not least: Vision 
“where do you see yourself in 5 years? “ 

This famous question is not to be taken lightly! Although people often say some of the sweet things that a single woman like me would like to hear, I think redirecting this question toward knowing the person’s passion is a good way to answer this question.  I believe, passion makes the heartbeat so sharing what makes us “ alive” on the first date, things we do that we are passionate about and how it impacts our life, gives a glimpse of a person’s real vision of life. 

Here are the three main points that I tried to keep in mind when I went on a couple dates. Well after four dates, I was already over with this whole online dating process and went back to “minding my business”.  The other thing is how and where we meet new people?  As a francophone immigrant, this is a topic on its own… 

I hope these three points will help me or someone else who is ready to settle. Meanwhile, I am focusing on pursuing my passion and growing my social circle… who knows? As women, we should not be ashamed for wanting a romantic relationship but being desperate about it can become an issue and potentially lead to a mental health imbalance as we begin to feel “incomplete” therefore miserable. We have been made whole by God even when our lives are not perfect, we can still find happiness and keep working our Faith to experience that blessing! 

Do you have another important point you would like to share?  Feel free to share and let’s grow together and learn from past mistakes.